I Hate The Transfer Window
Feature by Dan Buxton
Updated Monday, 18th January 2010
New columnist Will Garrett gives us his opening column
It's Christmas Eve in The Pulis household. After teatime the kids sit around an empty tree excited, and expectant of their father who still isn't home yet. They've recieved texts from their friends about the wonderful expensive prsents that their father has been seen attempting to buy. And when they've asked their father about it, he's given them little knowing smiles and cryptic answers that really tell them nothing. The children speculate between themselves almost incessently. It couldnt be could it? Nah, surely not, not us?! Daddy coudnt afford such things could he? No, but what if??
It's now 5 to midnight, and the kids excitment has turned to boredom and tiredness, when in springs the hero of the hour, surrounded by a mass of presents. Daddy, daddy what is it, what is it? Tony sits his children down and tells them they need to be realisitic about what he's bought beause they are only a small family and need to work within their means. Full to bursting with anticipation anyway, the little ones run upstairs to sleep, tossing and turning all night in jubilant expectation.
The morning finally arrives and the kids sprint downstairs attacking the boxes like a bulldog ripping the arm off and old woman in a butchers. And what do they find inside? 3 Ginsters Pasties, some windscreen washer fluid and a Curly Wurley from the local petrol station, and some reject from Sunderland... again.
The moral of the story...
Whilst Pulis spends priceless time slobbering at the window of Harrods, only to be laughed out of there, there's plenty of decent presents to be had that are within his prize range in BHS down the road. If you're not careful, you'll leave it too late and end up having to do a last minute one at the local Esso. And as for the whole Sunderland Palava, I'll leave my first article with a question for you all to ponder...
If every other burger you bought from McDonalds gave you profuse Diarrhoea, why would you continue to buy from there? Surely you'd try Burger King?
Knowing our luck, we'll end up with a Gregg's Sausage Roll... and Nyron Nosworthy